Well, we had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas – lots of family and fun. Christmas night and the days after that, well, that’s another story. Both Pete and I were hit with the stomach flu Christmas night and it carried over into the next day. Actually, my stomach didn’t get right until Sunday and Pete’s still isn’t right. Ugh. Merry Christmas to us. Here’s hoping the New Year is equally fun but less, um, eventful! 
Merry Christmas to us!
Things I’ve Done
I saw this on a couple other blogs I read and thought I’d do it to. (I’m such a follower!!) The things I’ve done are starred.
**1. Started your own blog
**2. Slept under the stars
**3. Played in a band (does jr. high band count?)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
**8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
**10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
**12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
**20. Slept on an overnight train
**21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
**23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
**26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
**29. Seen a total eclipse
**30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
**32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
**35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
**45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
**46. Been transported in an ambulance
**47. Had your portrait painted (well, sketched by my cousin… same idea)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
**50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
**51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
**52. Kissed in the rain
**53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
**56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
**60. Served at a soup kitchen
**61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
**62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
**64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
**67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
**69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
**70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
**72. Pieced a quilt
**73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
**77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
**79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
**84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
**86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
**88. Had chickenpox
**89. Saved someone’s life (I guess the kiddo that I helped to get a medical visa for counts here)
**90. Sat on a jury
**91. Met someone famous
**92. Joined a book club
**93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
**98. Owned a cell phone
**99. Been stung by a bee
**100. Read an entire book in one day.
Christmas comes to Quakertown!
Pete and I have been making an effort to bring a little festivity to our family this year. There have been Christmas carols playing for a week or two now. I’m working on pulling out some small decorations around the house. But there’s been a nagging feeling that this place just needs a Christmas tree. Pete and I have an ongoing debate about Christmas trees – live vs. artificial. He doesn’t like the idea of killing a tree just for decoration and I don’t like the idea of a cheap artificial tree. I don’t really want to sink a lot of money into a good one right now so we compromised. Christmas houseplants!! Push a couple of snake plants and an aloe plant together, hang some lights and a few decorations and – voila! – instant holiday cheer!
Weird morning
Woke up this morning still tired but unable to sleep. So I decided to get up, read some blogs, and then figure out what to do. I settled on was watching TV, well DVDs to be specific. I actually usually hate watching TV in the morning. Usually I prefer getting up, being active, getting things done, and THEN being lazy. I’m just out of oomph today, I guess. I was going to go running this morning but between the lack of oomph and the fact that it’s wicked humid, I ditched that idea. I find it much harder to run in the humidity. It’s going to get less humid and much cooler tomorrow so I think the running will wait until then.
One of the first thoughts that occurred to me this morning… 4 weeks from today I’ll be waking up a married woman. wow. My friend Jenny gave me some advice that I’ve been trying to follow lately. She said that I should remember to take a breath and absorb what’s going on. I think that’s good advice – even for 4 weeks out. I’ve done a little of that and found, much to my pleasure, that I’m getting a case of the nerves about the marriage itself. Now, let me be clear, I have no qualms about marrying Pete; it’s the best decision I’ve made in my life. However, in the back of my mind I always have the memory of the last marriage and how it ended. Knowing what I know about the psychological effects of traumas and losses, it makes perfect sense that there would be ripples of my divorce as I approach my next wedding. The thing that I appreciate is that I’m able to recognize them for what they are and not get stuck in them. To be honest, I’m also glad they’re there. Everyone I talk to and everything I read says that it’s normal to have at least a little anxiety/conflicted feelings before a wedding. For my first wedding I didn’t have any of that; I think I was repressing them. I was hoping that, this time, I’d have a more “normal” experience and I’m happy to report that I am! Whaddaya know – all that therapy paid off!
Reflections on my 31st Year
Today I turned 32. I don’t know what it is about birthdays but they do tend to make me a little more reflective than usual. This year, it coincided with a few days off from wedding planning so I actually had more room in my brain for reflection. It’s been a pretty low-key day. I had to go to a meeting for work in the morning. This afternoon I had taken some sick time for a doctor’s appointment I had. I actually had a mole removed off the back of my neck. Nothing cancerous or anything – I just wanted to have it removed for the wedding since I’m going to be doing an up-do. Who knows, maybe this is the beginning of my tumble into plastic surgery! … or not.
Pete and I went out for Mexican food tonight to celebrate. While we were talking, I really realized that 31 was a really good year for me. This year…
- I took up running and had some success with it. If you’d told me on my 30th birthday that I’d be doing this I’d have told you you were crazy.
- My relationship with Pete has deepened in ways that I never expected. I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am to E-Harmony for matching us. This marriage is going to be so, so different than my first one. In the past year, our trust in each other, our communication, our financial management, and lots of other things have really changed/strengthened/deepened. To give you an example, I’ve always been one to avoid conflict at all cost. I now know that at the base of that is a deep-seeded fear that any expression of anger will drive away the people I love. (Ahem, yeah, I know better now.) The other weekend when Mom and Matt were in town we were walking in the local park. At one point I stopped to do something, Pete didn’t see me stop so he crashed into me. He got a snippy/angry; I – thinking he was being unfair for yelling at me for an everyday kind of accident – got snippy back. And then it was over. In the past, he would have gotten snippy, I would have gotten my feelings hurt, and I would have sat on that for forever. Now that I trust him at a much more complete level I know I can yell at him and it’s not going to ruin our relationship. There still has to be apologizing and everything later but I now understand that a little bit of hoot-and-holler isn’t going to break us.
- In so many parts of my life I’ve stopped feeling like I’m “playing adult” and I’ve started just being one. This is tied into a stronger sense of self-confidence and self-knowledge, I think.
- Professionally I’ve really discovered the power of networking. I’ve made friends and professional connections at other agencies across the US. This has been both enjoyable and tremendously beneficial. I’m also confident that, should we ever move from PA and I’d have to leave my job, I’d be able to use some of those connections to find my next job.
- My relationship with my parents has improved. Every child has to go through a period of breaking away from their parents and forming a sense of myself separate from them – individuation, I think Jung called it. Usually children/young adults do that during the college years. Well, I was a little late with mine; it came in my late 20s and very early 30s. It was filled with the usual angst and anger directed toward them for things that they can’t (or couldn’t) control. I’m pleased that that stage has passed because I’ve been able to reestablish a more positive relationship with them.
I’m really excited to see what the next year brings. I know that there will be a wedding. Will I be a mom (or be on my way to it) by my 33rd birthday? What new professional challenges will the year bring? What areas of growth will I see? What personal challenges will I face? What joys will I encounter? I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see!
12,000 words meme
This is something I found at one of the blogs I read. Here’s what you do…
1) Type your answers to each of the questions below into Flickr search
2) Using only the first page, pick an image
3) Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker
The questions:
1. What is your first name? Heather
2. What is your favorite food? Fresh bread
3. What high school did you go to? Hampden Academy
4. What is your favorite color? Sunset purple
5. Who is your celebrity crush? No one
6. Favorite drink? Cold beer
7. Dream vacation? Thailand
8. Favorite dessert? Anything chocolate
9. What you want to be when you grow up? A mom
10. What do you love most in life? Peace of mind
11. One word to describe you? Solid
12. Your favorite animal? Nuthatch
Missing Heidi
Today I was driving home from a training in Philly. I’d expended all my brain energy for the day so couldn’t bring myself to listen to my NPR podcasts. I chose, instead, to listen to some music. My 4 GB iPod doesn’t hold my whole music library; right now it houses a little Lyle Lovett, Paul Simon, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris, and the soundtrack from Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s episode “Once More with Feeling.” (How’s that for eclectic??) Anyway, it was a nice day and I was groovin’ my way home – boppin’ around in my car and singing along. All of a sudden, on came some Paul Simon. Now, my friend Heidi is the one who introduced me to Paul Simon. It was one of the summers that we were at music camp at the University of Maine. Lord, that summer was fun! So there I am singing along to Paul Simon and all of a sudden I finally have a name to a little bit of sadness that’s been creeping up on me lately – I miss Heidi.
I think it’s related to the fact that my second wedding is coming so soon. Heidi sang at my first wedding and it was her last public performance. The drugs that controlled her mental illness also stole her singing voice – and THAT was a huge loss for the world. Man, that woman could SING! Anyway, I just remember being in the back room waiting for the service to start and hearing her voice. She was doing one of my favorite songs – Ave Maria – and, hearing her, all of a sudden my nerves settled a little. Heidi was like that. She went through a lot of shit in her life but somehow she managed to make you feel like, come what may, everything was going to be fine. She remembered your stuff (what’s going on in your life, birthdays, etc.) and asked you about it. She sent random goofy cards and emails. I had no idea how much I could miss random goofiness until she was gone. Anyway, as the wedding comes closer, I’ve been imagining what it would be like to hear her sing at Richland Friends Meeting. I bet it would be amazing. The room has super tall ceilings and is a wide open space. I like to imagine it filled with her voice.
Hmm, I think that “little sad” just turned into a bigger sad… she says with tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.
Hmm, what to do?
So it’s Saturday afternoon and here I sit – the rest of today and tomorrow ahead of me. Pete’s at a bachelor party (not his party, it’s the brother of a friend’s) today and tomorrow, which means that I have a ton of time to myself. It’s kind of cool – so many possibilities of things to do, so much fun to be had… Sure, there’s a “to do” list a mile long. Wedding things, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, meal planning. None of those sound like fun, though. Thinking about those things just makes me more tired than I already am. It’s been a long stressful week and my brain is tired so, rather than being responsible and doing the “to do” list, I’m camped on the couch blogging, watching TV, and preparing to take a glorious afternoon nap. Mmmm, nothing better than a good afternoon nap! Then I’ll worry about the to do list…
Those of you that know me…
… IRL know that I am have never been an athletic person. I never have been. From what I’ve been told, I did a lot of sitting around and watching things as a baby. Didn’t move unless I had to, is what I hear. I think the combination of temperament, slower-than-the-average development of coordination, and an overwhelming feel of failure/self consciousness as a kid probably got in the way of developing what physical talents I do have. I had one awkward year as a cheerleader in 8th grade and one even more awkward year on JV field hockey as a junior. That’s it. That’s the extent of my forays into organized sports.
Over the past few years, though, I’ve been trying to get through the mental block that said “Heather = totally uncoordinated, totally athletically incapable boob.” At various times I’ve tried aerobics (yep, even had a stint with Jazzercise), walking, spinning, weight lifting, and, yes, even jogging. In May I found a gem of a podcast called Couch to 5K. It is an interval training program designed to take you from couch potato to 5K runner in just a few weeks. I’ve made a half-hearted commitment to it thus far as is evidenced by the fact that this is mid-July and I’m only on week 3. However, I have been noticing progress. My heart rate doesn’t go as high during the jogs as it used to; my body doesn’t feel as tired or sore afterwards.
The damndest thing happened today, though. I have NEVER had anything happen like this before. Week 3 of the program is two consecutive sets of the following: 90 seconds jogging, 90 seconds walking, 3 minutes jogging, 3 minutes walking. This morning was a nice cool morning, the kind you don’t expect to find in mid-July in PA. It was about 70 degrees and the humidity was low. The last time I ran the week 3 intervals was last Wednesday. It was hot and humid and I had a horrible run. It was work just to get through the jogs. This morning, though, it was different. At the end of each of the 3 minute jogs I was – get this! – actually disappointed that they were over. Huh??? Now that’s a first for me! In fact, I was so disappointed after the end of the second 3 minute interval that I decided to tack another one on just for fun.
Those of you who have been more active that I may not grasp the enormity of running three consecutive minutes but for me that’s huge. And then to want to do more?? That’s unheard of!! Hmm, guess that means I can graduate to week 4 soon. From what I hear, week 4 is two sets of 3 minutes jogging, ___ minutes walking, 5 minutes jogging, and then ___ minutes recovering. I listened briefly to the week 4 podcast just to see what I was in for next but have forgotten how long the recovery periods will be.
