I’ve been thinking a lot recently about careers, finances, and family. Those are probably the three biggest topics rattling around in my brain right now. The following may be an oversimplification but indulge me a minute… there seems to be two schools of thought when selecting a career – do what you need to do to get rich or do what you need to do to be happy and have a positive effect on the world.
On the one hand, you have people who advocate getting a degree that’ll lead to a job that’ll make you the big bucks. This often means spending the first decade of your career working insanely, obscenely hard and having very little down time. The trade off is that you start making good money and position yourself to make even bigger money in the following decades, all while having more down time because you can delegate to others. The other trade off is that it’s hard to start and maintain relationships while you’re doing that. These are what I call the “getting rich” folks. These are the people at the top of their field or company or working to be there. These are the jobs usually filled by men and sport an impressive salary. To make this work you either have to decide to not have a family or to have a stay-at-home spouse that can take care of everything domestic while you’re out working.
On the other hand you have the “getting it right” camp that advocates finding the job that is fulfilling for you and just making the finances work. There may not be big money in community organizing, being a pastor of an inner city church, being a daycare provider, being a social worker, etc. but there is personal satisfaction and community betterment and that is payment enough. (Like I said, this is an oversimplification…) These jobs can allow for more time with family but they can also demand as much time and attention as you’re willing to give. There’s always someone who needs your help just around the next corner. Service jobs are notoriously filled by women and they are poorly compensated. To make it work you either have to commit to a life among the working poor or marry someone with a better income than you. Having one parent stay at home isn’t usually an option.
The people I know in the “getting rich” category are mostly (but not entirely) men with wives at home that care for the children and household. The wage earners are away for 10 – 12 hours a day at work or commuting and then are tethered to email while they’re at home. Their spouses fill them in on what’s happening in each of the children’s lives and tend to the emotional needs of the kids. The wage earner usually makes an effort to connect with their kids on a regular basis but connecting and being a present, participating parent are two different things. I’ve seen more than a few marriages of the “getting rich” folks fall apart, leaving the wage earner feeling unprepared for the demands of single parenthood and requiring them to get to know their children.
The people I know in the “getting it right” category often are have more time together as a family but they don’t have a level of financial stability that I’d be comfortable with. Folks like social workers are notorious for giving too much – of their time, of their heart, of their money – that they don’t always leave enough for the people at home. If these marriages fall apart, one or both of the spouses can find themselves in a desperate financial situation pretty quickly. That, then, limits the opportunities that their kids have.
I grew up soundly in the “getting it right” camp with a healthy disdain for the “getting rich” category. Functionally, our family didn’t quite follow those guidelines but that was the career planning lesson that I took with me to college. I started out in American Sign Language interpreting – I loved the language and the people but I didn’t like the idea of being just a conduit for communication. I wanted to be more interactive so I went to grad school for social work. Needless to say, it’s not the wisest career path if you’re in the “getting rich” category! However, having your master’s degree can lead to supervisory roles and boost your income. At times, though, I wish I had chosen another path – one where I don’t have to work quite as hard to earn my salary.
I’d like to think that there’s a more middle of the road option. I think the “getting rich” folks are onto something when they focus on earning money and being financially stable. I’ve come to realize that I REALLY don’t like feeling like I’m only one catastrophic event away from financial ruin. Earning money isn’t a bad thing but earning money at any cost is. I also think that the “getting it right” folks are onto something when they focus on personal satisfaction. I’ve come to realize that I would have a very hard time working for an organization or corporation whose mission statement I didn’t support. In theory, I could slog away at a corporate desk job but the psychological and emotional toll of that would leave me with very little time or energy for anything outside work. That’s just who I am.
So where do we find that balance between financial stability, personal satisfaction, and being able to give my family what I need and want to give them? I’m not sure; that’s what I’ve been rattling around in my head recently. I guess the first step in finding that path is to acknowledge that I do want to have stuff – nice stuff – and being okay with that. I like having furniture that doesn’t require assembly, stylish and well-fitting professional clothes, a new car - or rather, I think I’d like to have these things. We don’t have them now because we just can’t swing it and we don’t want to be so beholden to debt that we have to push ourselves further into the “getting rich” category than we want to be. Acknowledging that you like stuff is pretty un-Quaker since one of the tenets of Quakerism is simplicity. Sure, I can get behind some simplicity but I still want to have some luxuries/comforts/stuff. In other words, I ain’t willing to live off the grid!
The second step is acknowledging that there are some jobs I could do and some I couldn’t and then finding some of the better paying ones in the “some jobs I could do” category and pursuing them. I wish I’d started thinking this way when I was selecting a major in undergrad or at least when I was selecting a grad school program. I approached it with the “do what you want to do and everything else will fall into place” mindset. I wish I’d thought it through a little more. (Well, that and I wish I hadn’t funded everything with student loans!!)
Any subsequent steps, well, I’m still working them out. The ironic thing about this whole train of thought is that I’m in a pretty good job right now. I’m doing something I love and getting reasonably well compensated for it. It certainly doesn’t hurt that my husband is working for a corporation and makes more than I do, though!!
