Today is the one-year anniversary of the death of my friend Heidi. She’s been on my mind a lot lately so I thought I would repost the message that kicked off this whole blogging thing for me in the first place. Here it is:
Okay, so I read blogs, I talk about blogs, I’m dating a man who is obsessed with blogs… and yet, I’ve never written one. My friend Heidi pestered me a few times to do one but I think she gave up on me. (I told her that I sit at a computer all day and I didn’t really want to have to do it at home too.)
Well, here I am making the first entry in my very own blog. Not sure how many people will read it but I figured I would give it a shot. 
I figured it was only fitting, since Heidi was the impetus for starting this particular Myspace account/blog (I started it to get a hold of a friend from high school – what would we do without the internet?!?!), that Heidi be the subject of my first post.
For those of you who haven’t heard, Heidi died of a brain aneurysm on May 6th. She was one of the most amazing people that I ever had the pleasure of knowing. We met in 7th grade when she moved to Hampden but didn’t really become friends until 8th grade, even though she only lived about 6 or 7 houses down from me. We walked to school together a lot; we hung out a lot. She got me involved in music, which, incidentally, staved off tremendous boredom in high school. So what was so amazing about Heidi?
1) She had a sense of humor that was like no other. It was quirky. It was silly. It found the inane in the ordinary. It couldn’t help but make you giggle, even on really, really bad days.
2) She was an incredibly positive person. Heidi always saw the good things in what was happening around and within her… and she meant it! It wasn’t just an act; it wasn’t something she had to work for – it was just what she did.
3) Heidi was the strongest woman I know. When she was diagnosed with a major mental illness 8 years ago, she didn’t let that consume her life. She vowed that she was going to do what she needed to do to get life back on track… and did just that. Heidi lived her life and managed her illness and didn’t let one consume the other. During her sickest times, she experienced some pretty wacky stuff but she didn’t obsess about it. I’m not sure I could have had that strength. The temptation to give in to it would probably have been too strong.
4) Heidi taught me how to be a loyal friend (or, more accurately, she’s still teaching me this). As I was going through my divorce, she offered me a tremendous amout of support. She “got it” about feeling sad and grieving. She didn’t try to push me out of it or brush it off; she sat with me (well, emailed and phoned with me) as I made my way through it. Heidi sent some very fun email cards and some very fun little postcards. Even when I was retreating into myself for a while or just got crazy busy, she would still reach out in some way to me to tell me she was still there. During the divorce she would offer to come down here and kick my ex’s butt if I needed her to. The only reason she didn’t was I said it wouldn’t be worth the energy (plus I’m 10 hours away – would’ve made the logistics of the butt kicking a little more difficult).
5) She was an amazingly gifted singer. Heidi taught me to be interested in singing and music. It was a joy to listen to her sing. The last time I heard her sing was at my wedding in 2002. It was perfect. I could hear her from the small room in the back and, honestly, a piece of me didn’t want the wedding to start because I wanted to hear her a little more. One of the songs she sang was Ave Maria, which Anne sang beautifully at her funeral. I talked with her dad a little and he said that he thought the last time she sang in public was at my wedding. If that’s the case, I’m very, very honored to have been a part of that day with her.
6) Heidi loved with great passion. Heidi was head-over-heels in love with her fiance Nathan. Every time I talked or emailed with her – and I do mean EVERY – she had something to say about what great thing he had done recently or how wonderful he is. She loved him with a passion that more reserved (reluctant? guarded?) people like me miss out on. (Note to self: got to work on that.) In hearing her talk about Nathan, I began to learn how to be healthier in my own relationships. Heidi trusted Nathan enough to fight with him and know that he would still come home and he would still be there. She helped me learn that too (not about Nathan, about other important people in my life…)
You know, after someone dies there are always lots of nice things said about them. I feel like I’ve gotten to know Heidi even more by talking about her with other people. There are lots and lots of nice things to say about Heidi. My little list here doesn’t even begin to cover it. Sometime in the last year – I don’t remember exactly when – I told Heidi how glad I was that she was my friend and how much I appreciated her in my life, even if I’m not terribly good at showing it. I’m glad I had the chance to do that.
Hmm, kind of a heavy topic for my first ever blog entry, I know. But it seemed fitting and right to honor Heidi a little in this way. I loved her. I’ll miss her. I’m glad I could call her my friend for the past 18 years. And I know that, wherever she is right now, she’s takin’ the place by storm (and checking in on us, I’m sure).
